Caution: That warning label on your cup of coffee isn’t necessarily for your benefit. It’s probably there to protect the company’s bottom line. “Most of the common warnings you see today result either from regulation or from some lawsuit or anticipated lawsuit,” says Ryan Calo, a lawyer who studies technology-related legal issues at Stanford. In the eyes of most corporations, lawsuits are the things that kill profits—so companies are willing to attach to their products even the most obvious or absurd warnings on the chance that it might help them avoid paying out when someone manages to, say, hurt themselves listening to an iPod. So: protection against dangerous products or against human stupidity? Maybe we should ask the surgeon general.

“You don’t have to clap very hard!”(Hubbs v. Joseph Enterprises, 1993) To people for whom clapping might be physically taxing, the Clapper suggests the use of a clicker. That didn’t stop 80-year-old Edna Hubbs from suing when she hurt herself after one last, extra-hard clap to turn on the lights. Her case was tossed by a judge, but the warning still stands.

“Permanent hearing loss may occur if … used at high volume.” (Patterson v. Apple, 2006) John Kiel Patterson sued Apple, saying his iPod could damage his hearing. There was already a warning in the manual, but shortly after the lawsuit Apple updated its software to let users limit their iPod’s volume. Related? Right, like Apple’s going to say.

“Caution, handle with care, I’m hot.”(Liebeck v. McDonald’s Restaurants, 1994) McDonald’s had long put notices on its coffee cups that the coffee inside was, well, hot. But then Stella Liebeck spilled a cup, severely burned herself, and successfully sued. Now, the warnings are bigger, bolder, and all over the fast-food industry.

“User must not exceed 250 pounds.” (Dunne v. Wal-Mart Stores Inc., 1996) It turns out that you actually can be too big to exercise. Judy Dunne, a 500-pound woman, sued Wal-Mart after the exercise bike her kids bought from the retailer collapsed when she sat on it. No label indicated that the bike could only support a certain amount of weight.

Photos: Celine Grouard