Tired of old Christmas chestnuts like “O Little Town of Bethlehem”? A little Metallica will spice things up.
Photo: More Good Foundation/Flickr

I suggested a number of overhauls to make Christmas more efficient and somewhat more bearable in last week’s column. This time I’m tackling the No. 1 reason so many people poke their eardrums out with straightened paper clips in December: Christmas music.

I’m not going to suggest we stop blaring Christmas tunes in every commercial district in the United States, because that would mean that Bing Crosby’s heirs might have to use their 1,800-thread-count Egy...